Is this thing on?

Just wondering. That is all.

गेट ओं विथ आईटी already

As you can see, it's been since the beginning of April since I bothered to write in here.

Let's just say I'm on hiatus or some spiritual backpacking trip in the highlands of Scotland until maybe, say, October?

Sure?

Sure.

क्नोच्क ओं वूड

The title really says "Knock on wood" so don't go thinking that I've gotten smart or knowledgable in another language that involves wingdings.

I've been kicking around a cold for the past four weeks that really ended two weeks ago, but this morning I am coughing up a lung like nobodies business.

But on another note, and the theme/subject of this post, is that my children have really reached a milestone in the past month or so of being quite loving and sweet... the majority of the time.
We have really come to a point as a family where we all have a great time with one another. Granted, we have all gotten along with one another, but this magnitude of the getting along has expanded. It started, I think, after I was away on a business trip for an entire week. The longest I had been away from the kids ever. And who knows, maybe, they really did miss me.
Little B is seriously growing like a weed and she is all cuddles and smiles and kisses and loves. She asked me last night while we were watching a movie, "Mom, can I come cuddle with you?" Like who would say no to that?
I am the one that wakes them up in the mornings now that the husband works earlier and I get to see their sweet baby-ness that lingers as they wake up. And B always asks me to carry her downstairs, which won't be something I can do for much longer, ha ha.
While they eat breakfast, I dry my hair on the kitchen heater vent (it's a curly-haired thing) and they tell me about random things. S tells us about her dreams which I think is the best. I love that she knows what a dream is and how to retell it. B is still at the I-think-I-had-a-dream-but-I'm-making-this-all-up stage.
S told us one about her uncle producing remote controlled horses from his magic coat and then her asking her dad where her uncle was and he told her he was in Wyoming, but no, he was standing next to him. So it's funny to hear, because I know she's not making this stuff up. B's dreams are about "ice cream, dogs and trampolines" ha ha!
I'm reading the "Happiness Project" book and it's giving me some goals and insight and I like that. It's a good reminder to work on being happy during good times to give yourself some power to help with happiness when hit with a bad or tragic time.
I'm also seeing a new therapist who I really like, so that is also helping me look at things in a different light and set some goals and help me get through extra anxious times. I've felt myself trying to drop into a low the past few days and I've been self-talking and writing to myself a lot and pushing myself to step back and look at things from a different perspective and that helps. Not always, but it helps in a different way.
Well, I figured I'd write this morning since I was to bed early last night as was up earlier this morning and I need to do the breakfast thing, work out with the husband and then off to Costco to brave the madness that is easter weekend. It is conference weekend too though, so I'm hoping if I go during the first session that it'll be less crazy. hahahahaha!

Yikes

This is going to come across as a pure whine, but....


I would really like to know when a mom ever gets a break?
I have come to grips with this fact, and have accepted this is the fact.

But when is a mom not doing something that doesn't involve cleaning, cooking, helping with homework, helping kids bathe, doing dog things, making lunches, doing laundry, making bake-sale items, helping kids do presentations at school without flipping out, cleaning - and not even the deep-cleaning stuff that would actually get things clean, it's the clean-up before the clean and it's aggravating. And in the moments when a mom is physically doing these things, she is also planning on how to attack all of the other things on her to do list.
Sigh.

It's one of those days where I've just spent the last few days doing all of this, and while the husband goes off to some business meeting at evening, instead of me trying to get some groceries on an off moment, I forgot it is free skate night for the elementary school. So in the next little while, after I've done the dishes, made dinner, fed the dogs, coddled the old dog to please go potty outside, crated the dogs, and showered girls....I will be taking the girls to skate night.

That will be sheer pleasure for my congested head and sick for two weeks trying to shake this coughing body.
yay!

I Swear!

The only time I go to write anything online, ie: leave comments on blogs, is the only time the husband comes in the room to look over my shoulder.

Seriously?

I'm really not in here all that often and the battery on the laptop just up and died, so I have nowhere to hide.

How does the battery take full charges, give hours of enjoyment and then the next day just die?

I suppose that is how I feel some days too, so I can't really complain.

Oh wait, yes. I. Can.

Working on it

So I broke down and called someone to come in and clean my house.

I've had enough meltdowns every damn weekend over the state of the house and just trying to catch up on simple things like cleaning the bathroom counter. I do not want to spend my days off work just scrambling to get the house in order. And I don't want to wish my children older so they can clean up their things...they are still my babies and I'm soaking it all in. (In case anyone wonders, they do clean up their things, but there are days where it is loads easier for me to swoop it up in one handful and put it away properly and then my OCD doesn't have to take a hit and a fit)

I think this will save many years of mine and my family's life and sanity.

And then I can get back to more me time.
Running, hiking, reading, singing, biking, camping, dog-walking, ginning, painting, kid-smooching... here I come!

and?

I love that I don't ever post on here anymore.
Who has the time?

But I get spammer comments. How sweet it is.

Jingle bells, Santa smells?

Someone had better tell the neighbor girl that that rendition of the song will get her nothing but a whole load of giggles from me.

I've got a whole load of busy-ness on my hands and laundry from Vegas to wash and photos to upload.

Anyone willing to make bets on how long it takes me to post any photos?

I'm sorry, but who gave you permission to grow up?

Monday, in honor of Colombus Day.

Hot coffee, a snuggly blanket and Matt Lauer (on television, of course)..is there anything better?

Oh sure there is. But not today.

I'm at home feeling crappy and I will be doing the 'ol switcheroo of summer to fall/winter clothes as the weather turned on a dime and it is cold cold cold.

It rains, it pours, we get stuck inside and yell

So, the family and I have spent this entire day inside with one another. Sure, I love these people like crazy, but did someone say crazy?
Holy crap I'm ready to take a shot of something strong and go to bed already.
Someone pointing out all of my shortcomings within a 48 hour period has really gotten on my nerves and I fear myself saying something worse than what I've already spewed.
Going to bed seems to be the best option.
Because when I am asleep, what comes out of my mouth does not count.

I am not talking about a floating vessel

So it's taken me a few days to even type this one out.
We only had our sweet cat Canoe for six short months. Six months of watching him grow, making friends with the neighbors' four cats and their bunny, losing five collars, growing legs that would just walk right over our dogs, playing with the dogs like down and out tumbling and roughhousing, even Sherman grew attached to him, sleeping in the neighbor's bunny cage with the bunny, killing five birds in one week, nibbling elbows while we slept, sleeping in contorted ways, talking all the time.
Canoe got hit by a car Wednesday night, and it really wasn't at all like getting hit, it was like getting run over and having the teenage girl in the bronco slam on her brakes, skid four feet and drag parts of my kitty's body apart from him.
It was horrible.
We had to rush him to an animal ER and watch him SUFFER without parts of his body and the whole suffering part just killed me. I bawled. and then bawled some more and then was literally ill for 24 hours afterward. I think I was able to shield most of the damage from the girls. I flew like a wild banshee to get a towel to hold him together with and they didn't go back to the room until we said goodbye and he was covered so they wouldn't have to witness the carnage.
I can not get the image out of my head. And it still hurts.
S is asking for another cat already and I am not ready. It absolutely breaks my heart to watch animals suffer.
People, ie: teenagers, PLEASE SLOW DOWN. For the love of Canoe, please slow down when driving a car. There are children in residential neighborhoods and you may not be lucky enough to be spared by only killing my cat. You may actually hit a child.
There is nowhere THAT DAMN IMPORTANT for you to be driving to.

R.I.P. Canoe. I honestly think you were put on this earth to show someone that has previously had the cops called on her for speeding at least two times, that she could hit a child and she wouldn't be able to live with that.

My dog eats crayons

I sayeth to him:

"If you would like to have a poo in the house go to blame on someone else, it would be most helpful to not have it multicolored with crayon."

And I follow that last one up with....

I really love my husband.

I don't say that enough.

I can sure bitch and moan about people I work with and annoying driving habits of everyone, but myself, on the road. But I don't nearly spend enough time saying how much I love things.

The husband can surely get on my nerves at times, especially when I am lethally hungry, but for the majority of the time, I just watch him, doing what he does, and I. Love. Him.

I love my girls too. They keep doing the horrible growing up thing, but I continue to love them. I get adorable photos where I can catch them still looking like my babies, but I don't admit that to them, because if they knew that I could still catch them, then they'd make sure I didn't catch another one again.

My spunky B wanted (yes, wanted) to go on the scary carnie ferris-wheel last night and wanted to ride with her dad, and she was not scared for one second. S and I, on the otherhand, talked each other into riding together and held each other as close as one can hug one another on a rocking ferris-wheel without rocking it unnecessarily. We squealed together and when the ride stopped and then took us backwards S said "I don't know why I got on this thing!" and we both giggled nervously. B kept asking the husband if S was okay behind us and would even turn around to check on us. S and I barely moved. The mere thought of turning around made our stomachs hurt. Once we got off, we realized it was all good. We didn't die. The carnival ride held up to our wild ride. We are that much stronger now. A hurdle that we jumped with ease.

We got home far too late last night and we feel like we have a slight hangover, even though there was no booze involved. So we've been lounging around, playing with toys, doing laundry, watching really bad part two of the ongoing saga of the little orphan Annie. Oh, it's horrible. It's a good thing we only borrowed it from the library or we may have had to demand our money back.

It's been a breezy, overcast day with a few sprinkles and I adore weather like this. Too bad we feel like we've been beat, or we may be out on bikes or hiking. But, ah, one needs to lay around like a slug every once in a while, right?

Who's an ass?

Who, you ask?

Wait. You didn't ask.

In case anyone doesn't have one of their own or would like to know...

I know a real ass.

Bikes and School

We spent a good portion of the day in Salt Lake today to catch the professional leg of the 90 minute race for the Tour of Utah. It was really fun.
Photos do no justice of standing on the side of the road and just the sounds of the tires on pavement and the sound the wheels make as the riders whip past you.


The first day of school is tomorrow and my baby starts Kindergarten..someone pass the tissues now.


I'm actually pretty proud of this summer as we've subjected the girls to a lot of different things which, hopefully, made a few happy memories for their brains to hold on to...when they are teenagers and hate the world.

Who keeps tabs? or, Mama don't take my Google Reader away.

I swear, I can go months being able to access certain websites at work and then, ka-pow!, out of nowhere, I get blocked.

I used to be able to see bossy, and all my fellow blogspotter fiends, but then I got the "personal storage" blah blah is restricted by your blah blah and boo. sigh.

Well, then I got smarter than these genius IT freaks at my job and just set everyone up on Google Reader. This worked grand, with the exception of not being able to see the photos along with the stories. It was fun to imagine what some people may have had posted along with the daily story and then come home to actually see what they had up there was far different, and always better, than what my mind had conjured up.

Today, I log in to my gmail and hit the Reader tab and viola!, the moment of getting blocked.
BASTARDS
Internet blocking Nazi BASTARDS

They also blocked this messed-up site for adult content, ha! Geez, I wondered how long it would take to get them to figure that one out.

It was fun while it lasted, but I am really pissed about them taking my reader away.

Random bits of sunshine.

You would think that between the many motherly, and working duties I have, I would have enough time to update this thing.

Alas, I do not.

Damn you, sunshine, for slowly creeping out of my life for the next five months...leaving me to drive to work and back again in the dark cold of winter.

Damn you, good summer books, for sucking up any extra time I have and making me lounge around, snuggling up to the warm bodies of my children while they do extracurricular television watching, preparing their brains for the return of school in two short weeks.

I guess a damn you was a little harsh in that situation. You books are only encouraging me to lounge around. It also gives me a little time to myself to indulge in your fantasies while sitting around the swimming pool during the 4 weeks of lessons we've managed to fit in this year.

We had a cold front roll through Utah over the weekend (the warmth is back thank you) and it made me deliriously happy to feel a chill on my arms, to put on a hoodie, to wear jeans. But I also enjoy walking out of my freezing chilled office in the afternoon and feeling the warmth hit me and envelope me while I walk to my car...just enough of a walk that I enjoy the warmth and it takes the goosebumps I sported for the entire day away.

It is now time for a bit more reading before I feed the girls and haul them off for the last few days of swim lessons. I'm so proud, they're both like fishes.
Cute. Sassy. Multi-colored-swim-suited-fishes.

The husband has encouraged me to dig into the weight lifting exercise that I'm craving and I'm taking a one on one class with a cross fit trainer tomorrow.
Maybe I'll tune you in to the most sore of sore muscles the day after.
That is, if I can walk to the computer.

Two weeks?

It's been awhile since I've posted anything. Here.

Facebook manages to suck up an immense part of my time...dirty bastard that it is.

We took the girls to go see fireworks at Liberty park with their auntie and uncle last night and wow. Wow. Wow. WOW.
I have never seen me so many gangsta's in my existence on this earth.

There was one point where we were walking the four blocks or so to get there and we had some young ho's behind us talking up some "An she sai, 'I wuz on hiz bed bafor' and I sayz "oh ya, bit? I been on hiz bed SO many time before, she a fuuggin' ho ya'"
So we then purposely slowed down so their little ho's would pass us, and we caught up with them pretty quick as the three of them were stopped out on a cross street, primping in a parked car's windows and I have never laughed internally that hard. Even the lady walking in front of us turned and laughed like we were. It was so worth it. Even if we waited forever for the show to start and to only last 13 minutes.

I'm trying to remind myself that this particular fireworks show is not worth it to do it again any time soon. Like anytime in the next 15 years.

Well, I did one manic cleaning out of the cookbook/phonebook/storealltheothershit cabinet and now I must go figure out what I'm going to do with all the stuff that is on the floor surrounding the cabinet. Like, the trash. We have a babysitter coming because the husband and I have not had a date in forever and we want to eat sushi, by ourselves and go see an adult movie, Harry Potter, by ourselves and just enjoy the company of each other because I need reminding sometimes of how much I love this man I married without having to clench my teeth while my beautiful children tease, fight, howl, scream and whine in the background.

Seriously?

I am feeling this huge wave of jealousy. It is horrible and consuming.

I should be happy with what I have. Happy happy happy. I know that things may look good on the outside to other people, when inside they may just be shit. I want to believe this, but I'm not sure if it's really true. Just my psychoanalysis to make myself feel remotely better.

There has just been one friend of mine that I somehow let what goes on in their life get to me. I tend to compare and I need to STOP. We now lead two very different lives and we turned in those opposite directions a long time ago.

A long time ago.

How does one get over being jealous? And I would have to not talk it down and call it something else, because when all is said and done, it is pure jealousy.

Sucky, shitty jealousy.

Of what, exactly? I'm not completely sure.

I'll have to get back to you on that one.