Thank you brother

It seems as all my latest posts have something to do about being sick, or in pain.

Wow! Aren't I a load of fun?

I did wake up in the middle of the night in the vice-grip of clenching as I was testing a night without a muscle relaxer. I now know what will happen. I have proceeded to dose myself tonight. It's only 1/4th of a pill, so nothing extreme. It's enough to keep me sane I suppose.

I have to shout out and thank my brother, who I know is not reading this, for sending me loads of music. He is a dear. He is a computer demon and can get me any music my little heart desires.

He recently sent me all the old Depeche albums....that I have, personally, owned twice and don't have now. And he sent Vampire Weekend and Remi Nicole. The latter is the better so far.

In other happenings, there is not much happening.

I'm trying to self-diagnose my red blotching issues...and it seems as though I'm nerotic.

It actually is a symptom that corellates with the heart and the sympathetic nerve. Who knew there was something called the sympathetic nerve. It sounds so forced. (Oh, my sympathetic nerve!)
I'm taking extra magnesium as low levels can actually mimic severe anxiety induced stroke-like symptoms...which sent my grandmother to the ER at the end of the summer....which also led me to go see a Doc. about anxiety.

If my vitamin cocktail does not suffice, I will then go to el doctor to talk about beta blockers. I have a quite fast, resting heart rate (90's) and a history of heart problems...that were previously fixed, per se, so this could be an underlying issue.

I would just like to try and figure out the problem I have. It's very embarrassing and frustrating. It also makes me feel like I don't have control (which I guess, when it happens, I don't) and I don't like to not be in control.
I had two episodes last week that left me feeling so angry at my stupid body...came home and googled *red blotchy neck* and found a long message board in regards to this and actually teared up just because I am not alone with this problem. I'm certainly not careening with the majority of people here, but definately not alone.

It is currently 9:01 and this mama is determined to go to bed a little close to on time. I am tired and I need my busy-brain to give me a rest also.