Snapping

I swear. Tonight is the lose it and snap sort of night.

My alarm goes off in less than 8 hours and I had to come downstairs to leave the nightly drama of little sassy S.

She has so much backtalk in her it is sickening.

And just between stupid facebook sucking me in and being beyond tired, making dinner late, children sassing the second I pick them up, the dog rolling in something horrid smelling, the cat bawling, the dogs barking, the perfect husband who never says or does anything wrong, returning overdue library books, bathing children AND the shitty smelling dog, and then fighting over the thousand rats nests that somehow wove themselves in long hair during S's shower and she screams at me when I try and help her do it an easier way and the cat on the shelves knocking a bunch of toys off and more dog barking and children sassing putting clean and immediately filling the dishwasher with dirties to run overnight and oy vey I still need to make lunches for tomorrow.

I'm ready to SNAP.

snapsnapsnapsnapsnap

I took a third of a muscle relaxer last night as my jaw is killing me and I honestly think it kicked in around 7:00 am... I was at my desk, makeshift sleeping. Left hand propping my head up in a believably awake position, right hand on the mouse, so as I sleep-jerked it would make the motions look that much more realistic.

So, apparently, if I want to wake up in the morning, I will not be able to take a muscle relaxer tonight.

Damn the luck.

the day after....

After my muscle-relaxed-induced sleep last night, I hit the snooze button a mere five times this morning.

ie: waking up 45 minutes late = one late mofo.


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Question for the day:

How long is too long to deal with a nagging, throwyoudownonthefloorwhileyoutrynottothrowupandyoureyesrunnethoverandyougetblotchy, cough?

A: Six weeks?
B: Ten?
C: For Hell's sake lady, get your ass to the doctor already?

(And if you choose option C, then I need an idea of just HOW to get in to see the doctor when he is booked three weeks out.)

Thanks for playing!

Thank you brother

It seems as all my latest posts have something to do about being sick, or in pain.

Wow! Aren't I a load of fun?

I did wake up in the middle of the night in the vice-grip of clenching as I was testing a night without a muscle relaxer. I now know what will happen. I have proceeded to dose myself tonight. It's only 1/4th of a pill, so nothing extreme. It's enough to keep me sane I suppose.

I have to shout out and thank my brother, who I know is not reading this, for sending me loads of music. He is a dear. He is a computer demon and can get me any music my little heart desires.

He recently sent me all the old Depeche albums....that I have, personally, owned twice and don't have now. And he sent Vampire Weekend and Remi Nicole. The latter is the better so far.

In other happenings, there is not much happening.

I'm trying to self-diagnose my red blotching issues...and it seems as though I'm nerotic.

It actually is a symptom that corellates with the heart and the sympathetic nerve. Who knew there was something called the sympathetic nerve. It sounds so forced. (Oh, my sympathetic nerve!)
I'm taking extra magnesium as low levels can actually mimic severe anxiety induced stroke-like symptoms...which sent my grandmother to the ER at the end of the summer....which also led me to go see a Doc. about anxiety.

If my vitamin cocktail does not suffice, I will then go to el doctor to talk about beta blockers. I have a quite fast, resting heart rate (90's) and a history of heart problems...that were previously fixed, per se, so this could be an underlying issue.

I would just like to try and figure out the problem I have. It's very embarrassing and frustrating. It also makes me feel like I don't have control (which I guess, when it happens, I don't) and I don't like to not be in control.
I had two episodes last week that left me feeling so angry at my stupid body...came home and googled *red blotchy neck* and found a long message board in regards to this and actually teared up just because I am not alone with this problem. I'm certainly not careening with the majority of people here, but definately not alone.

It is currently 9:01 and this mama is determined to go to bed a little close to on time. I am tired and I need my busy-brain to give me a rest also.

Get your butt-rock on

Damn, my laptop is slow.

In other news: Whoever created Guitar Hero needs to be slapped.

Clearly, those of us with less than stellar-butt-rock knowledge have a disadvantage than those of us who have husbands who can name the band and name of the song on the radio within the first three notes made.

I played the only two songs I was familiar with last night. Anarchy in the UK--Sex Pistols...and Holiday in Cambodia--Dead Kennedys.

I felt good about it too.

I even did some pogo-ing with the guitar. Pogo-ing did not help me play the guitar any better.

In sickie news, I am noting the concoction in what it takes for me to get a somewhat decent nights sleep:

One warm glass of Airborne
One glass of wine
One extra-strength Mucinex
One dose of Antihistamine
One fourth of a muscle relaxer

Okay, it sounds a little too much and somewhat troublesome.

Here is my reasoning. (The beginning of dependancy?)

I can not take anything cough-suppressant-related due to my anti-anxiety medicine.
I can't wear my mouthguard to protect my poor teeth from the clenching..because it makes my tounge go in a place which, I guess, induces extra coughing. So, that is why the muscle relaxer is involved, so I can clench less and not wake up with my entire jaw line...top and bottom..feeling like it just went through hours of Jaw Olympics.

I must be such a pretty sight to my husband. (what a catch I am)